On Waiting

The past few weeks have been very different from what I was planning. My departure date for Uganda was to be January 11th. Life leading up to that time was filled with excitement, anxiety, some fear, happiness-many things; it was a rollercoaster of emotions that I was not quite prepared for. For over a year now, I've been dealing with abdominal pain that hasn't been explained fully-I've had many tests done and told that I have IBS, as this is a diagnosis of exclusion and my tests have come back "normal." In the few weeks before my departure, my pain got increasingly worse, and was worse than it had ever been. It was hard for me to discern if it was from stress, or something else. My family (especially my parents!) were uneasy about me jetting off to another continent with worsened and unexplained pain. They advised me to call my doctor, just to see what else I could do. I did, and was told that I should have some additional testing done, to diagnose or rule anything else out. Completing the tests meant that I would have to delay my departure. I made the difficult decision to stay, and had 3 more tests done, and was started on some new medicine. The tests came back normal, which is a major praise! It was really hard for me to decide to stay a little longer, because going to Uganda has been my dream for four years, and to me it felt like now or never. However, I am glad that I can go to Uganda now with peace of mind, and can jump into life there without fear of this pain that I have. I knew that God had a purpose for this time, even if it felt like giant steps backwards.

I have had to be honest about what I've been thinking and feeling in this time. I have been angry at God because I felt like he was taking my dream from me; it felt unfair. I felt confusion about the timing-I have always been healthy, and why right before this dream He's given me coming true, do I have pain? I have felt a bit lost at sea-what am I supposed to do now? But, there has been a lot of good too. I have seen some friends and loved ones that I wouldn't have had the chance to before. My disappointment has been a further confirmation of my desire to go. I am very antsy! I have been able to keep in touch with Sam at M:MM and he has encouraged me that it will all work out in God's timing, which is perfect. I have been able to see that often times, I turn to fear when unexpected things happen. It has shown me that nothing is guaranteed, but God is present and He is faithful. Even if it hasn't always felt like it, I know that God sees me and cares for me. He is my Healer. He does work all things together for good. I don't understand why this delay has happened, but I trust that God will continue showing it to me. I want to follow God like a child holding her Father's hand.

I am still incredibly excited for the opportunity to go to Uganda, and learn from His people there! I am now going to be leaving on February 18th. I am counting down the days! I pray that I would be present where I am, and make the most of this time. I pray that I would be present when I am in Uganda, and will be a sponge, soaking up all the goodness that God has for me there. I saw a phrase online somewhere "Grow where you're planted." It may be cheesy, but it resonated with me. I don't want to waste time waiting for "my adventure to begin" because God has me here, and He will bring me there. But He is everywhere, and nothing is wasted for Him. I am excited to be in Uganda, and one thing I know-it is worth the wait.

Another bonus of waiting-getting to spend time with our new kitty-Jet

 Spending time with friend Lisa at the St. Paul winter carnival