Here's my heart, Lord, I'll be Your vessel

I greet you all in Jesus' name.  I pray that you are all filled with grace, peace and strength from the Lord. Seemingly out of nowhere, another month has passed. But, when I reflect back on the last month it was packed full of goodness, lessons, difficulties, and growth. I am thankful.

I am burning the midnight oil in Uganda, but my time here is really running, and I need to make each day count. I can not even fathom that I am remaining with only one month left here in my most beloved UG. I have officially been in Uganda for a few days over a year now, and I've been reflecting on how truly it is the Lord that has kept me, sustained me and guided me this year. He's been refining me, and sometimes, let me tell you, I have felt that fire that I've been going through, but I'm grateful for it. Although, by no means am I a finished product. But I have really seen His providence in my life so much during my time here. He has given me so much joy and assurance of where I am and what I am doing. He has blessed me beyond measure with people here; He has used them to show me His love and care and encouragement. He has strengthened me and provided me grace to adapt. My papa here told me the other day, "You have been like a person of this place." That was really meaningful to me.

I have a friend that told me recently that I should write down a list of all the things I am thankful for from my time in Uganda-experiences, lessons, people, opportunities, and more. I was writing this list the other night and started crying, hard. It made me feel sad to have to say goodbye to all these things, but grateful that I've become so integrated into life and relationships here, and the depth of the blessings I've seen from God. I also realized I will never be ready to say goodbye to Uganda, and that even though my time (for now) here is coming to an end,I'm not finished. I know that I will be back, and that is a comfort. I do not yet know to what capacity I will return, but know that I can't just close the book on this beautiful place. There are hard and ugly things here but also so many beautiful things and joy. A couple days ago I was reading the Bible and looking through verses for comfort (actually because I was feeling weighed down by the shooting in FL), and then was reading Psalm 27, which I love. The last two verses struck me: "I remain confident of this-I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." I think this really encapsulates my emotions and thoughts about returning to MN. There is much goodness from the Lord there (LIKE SEEING ALL MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS!!!!) Even though I feel anxious about what is to come next for me, I need to wait on the Lord, and pray that He would guide me and reveal things to me. I need to have courage and take heart, because I am not alone and know He has good for me, His child. For now, I am praying and trusting God for each step (or trying to). I know that I still remain with time here in Uganda, and want to soak everything up, but I also need to prepare for the transition.

A sweet gift I received this month was the visit from my dear and longest friend, Kaylea. I felt so loved that she came to see me and it was so refreshing to have her here and experience Uganda afresh through her eyes. I treasured time sharing things with her, and being able to relate with each other, as she also lives and works abroad. We shared many laughs and I'll treasure it forever. I think I was also able to see ways that I've changed by having her here, and I'm grateful for how I've grown. One thing we were sharing about was what we've been learning by living surrounded by poverty, and that is something I've been reflecting on again and again. Lately I've felt so burdened by the needs around me, and feel like I'm just a drop in a very large bucket. But I've been encouraged that God is the one doing the work and that He desires for us to be reconciled to Him-in all ways, because we know that all things were created by Him and for Him. I've learned and seen how we are all impoverished because of sin, it just manifests differently in each person's life and in different parts of the world, and for some reason more harshly in some. I've learned that poverty is VERY complicated and requires a complete solution and you can't simplify things by saying "people have nothing but they are so happy" because people face it rough every single day and truly rely on the grace of God for each and everything. How I did not come to Uganda to check off a "good deed" so that I can get back to my "real life", no, this is my life and we can not ignore the needs of those around us, we are called to care for the widow and orphan and those vulnerable. But we need to ensure that the care and help we are giving is not doing more harm than good, and that people will be empowered.

Friends, thank you so much for walking alongside me this year. I pray that you feel purpose and joy and a burden for something in your life, and thank you for being faithful to what God has given each of you, because I know that it looks different for every person. I pray that you also feel supported as I have by you. Wele abawe tsikhabi ni Wele abalinde (May God bless and keep you all)

Praises:
-Joy! There have been many days lately where I can only say it is the Lord that is giving me joy, and I'm thankful for that
-Depth of relationships
-God's provision and faithfulness in my life

Prayer Requests:
-Healthy coping and time to process what is to come and what my life will be like in MN
-That I would feel more thankfulness about all that happened than sadness about saying goodbye
-For God to also keep my family, because I know this has been a big sacrifice for them, as they anxiously await my return next month (I will return to MN on March 23rd)

Here are some pictures that highlight this month (they say a picture is worth a thousand words, and I've already written many, thank you for reading all of them)

I was able to stay with Leya, at her home in an area called Busabuulo. We have been working actively here for five years now, and I've loved hearing the stories of transformation and hearing more of Leya's testimony. She shared how she first was saved when she was young because she thought she would get help from some missionaries that had come to work at her school. But in 2011 she said at church she became burdened and went to be saved for herself, because she knew that is what God wanted. She shared how we can't do things of our own strength, like her trying to save herself, but it needs to be from God. She also said it is only God that is providing for them, because often they don't have money, and have many expenses with four children in school. I'm also pictured with my sweet and beautiful new friend, Kakayi Anna. Anna should be in school, but her mother is a single parent of seven children and they don't have money for school fees. I learned that it is about 125,000 UG shillings for a term of school for Anna. Which is about $40. If anyone of you feels burdened to give to Anna, please reply and we can sort that out. I promise it is genuine and will bless her mom, Irene, so much

Time with Kaylea! We have been friends for 15 years and I was so blessed by the laughter and reflections we shared. I love how we still laugh at silly things together, and then are able to pray and discuss more trying things. I also had to begin the goodbyes this month, which is difficult. But I've realized it is more "see you later" for this place and people, and that gives me comfort. 

Mbale is such a beautiful place. This is view is from the road that leads to M:MM office. 

This month with M:MM I have continued to work with the youth and adults sharing different health lessons. This picture is in Busiu, where this day we were learning about proper oral care. I also facilitated a lesson on peptic ulcers in Lwangoli, and an impromptu lesson with women in Busabuulo at a meeting with Leya on breast cancer.  I continue to love sharing knowledge and the hope that what I am sharing will positively impact someone's life and make a change for the better. God is good.

I've come to love these sweet and goofy children so much. They've taught me so much about continuing to have curiosity and wonder about the world, resourcefulness and resilience, and not taking yourself too seriously.

A Newborn King to See

Kamasaliwa Kamalayi (Merry Christmas-late!) and Wakulikha Kumwakha (Happy New Year) from Mbale! I thank God for you being with me along this journey, almost a year long now. I pray that as the year ended and a new one began, you were able to spend time with those you love, reflecting on all the Lord has done in and for you this past year, and especially that the goodness and magic of Christmas rang true and sweet in your ears. I hope that you are looking toward the new year with joy and anticipation.  In the office yesterday as we returned to work, we had a devotional about how we are to "go without knowing", just like Abraham did. We can make plans, but ultimately we are to trust that God has a good one in store for us, and He desires for us to trust Him fully and is worthy of that. So I pray that that can be an encouragement for you as this year begins; as we "go without knowing."

A lot has happened since my last update, so I will summarize some events and lessons over this last 1.5 months or so:

I turned 27! It was truly a day filled with joy and love, from people all over.  I felt so cared for by my family here, and they had quite a feast for me! Birthdays aren't traditionally celebrated here, so it really touched me that the Soita's did so much for me. I was able to spend time reflecting on all the "gifts" I've received in this year of life, in the form of provision, challenges, experiences and opportunities, relationships and lessons. These are all things I couldn't have planned for, but am so grateful for. I have a good Father.  My papa here, Pastor Sam, was challenging me about how we as people always celebrate our physical birth, but the spiritual one gets forgotten.  It made me think-am I investing as much in my self spiritually as I am physically? Am I mature spiritually? Or am I starving myself? I'm grateful for people that make me think.

With M:MM, since my last update a highlight is that I have been able to practice facilitation of health lessons in the communities more, which I have loved! Along with the M:MM staff, I was able to put on three lessons about elevated blood pressure prevention and management, and screen community members' blood pressures. I genuinely loved holding the lessons, and watching those that attended grasp new knowledge, participate and have the drive to implement what they learned. I was recently asked if I thought I'd been impacting lives during my work here, and I can't speak for others, but I pray that I have. I have seen that it is more on a small scale, but that that is good and more impactful and personal. I think each of us wants to leave a mark somewhere, even if it is small.  So I pray others have been blessed and changed. Then I was asked if i had been impacted, and my oh my. Yes. I think a lot of the ways I have changed may not show their face fully until I am back in the US, and confronted with things that I haven't been surrounded by for a year. I am so grateful for learning, and it is something that I want to take back with me (like I made a list of goals for the New Year, and HOW FUN would it be to learn guitar?! I've always wanted to, so why not?)

Homesickness was a very real thing in my life around the holidays, but I am thankful for the Lord's grace and those that surrounded me with love and showered me with hospitality. I have seen how rich I am in relationships, and can't express my gratitude enough. But, I missed my Minnesota Christmas and because of this homesickness I kept myself very busy surrounding the holidays, which caused me to be distant from my emotions and thoughts, until they spilled out in the back of the packed van at dark. But, the Lord is faithful and I was met with so much more joy than homesickness this festive season. On Christmas Eve morning as I was preparing for church, I blasted some Harry Conick Jr. Christmas music (shout out to my mom!) and one song struck me afresh: "The Little Drummer Boy." The boy is singing about how he is a poor boy, but he can play for the Savior.  It made me think about how poor I am before the Lord, and how much I need Him. It made me wonder, what would I do if I was "the little drummer boy?" I know that I can approach the Lord every day because of His grace and work on the cross, but I wondered if tangibly I was in front of the Savior, what would I do? Cry? Laugh? Sing? Dance? Fall down? Run away? Then, I thought of another worship song that says, "but what could I say? Or what could I do? But offer this heart, oh God, completely to You?" And how in Isaiah 58 God talks about true fasting and what He wants from us. I was blown away in a new way how a tiny baby came into the world and changed everything, forever. What a precious, precious gift.

As I think about the New Year, a thought came to mind: it is good to be uncomfortable. We as people have a tendency to draw to what is safe and easy and even here I have done that, but I've seen so much good come from being uncomfortable. So as I prepare to go back to MN, I want to carry that with me into the New Year.  I do not want any space for complacency in my life. But I will need God's grace.

Photos:

Friends from Rwanda, where we swam, danced, went to hot springs, went on a boat ride and ate. It was a wonderful end and start to the year, and I am thankful to know these people. I never knew I would come to know them, but it's sweet to see how God brings people into your life. I don't really believe in "strangers" anymore, because you never know who could be your friend. 

This is Sam, my papa here. I am so grateful for his wisdom and laughter in my life. 

Happy Birthday to me! 

Praises:
-a New Year of life in the Lord
-A fun New Year's with dear friends in Rwanda
-the chance to stay until March when my church comes

Prayer Requests:
-grace and clarity as I prepare to leave in March
-Intentionality with those I love during the rest of my time here
-Trust in the Lord that He has a good plan for me
-Community members to be blessed by the trainings, and for faithfulness of us as staff to serve them well